"I'm your Destiny"

Destiny Jones, 62 has been going through transformations her entire life. Now she wants to help others do the same.

Growing up in New Orleans, her mother was “an alcoholic and schizophrenic, and she was hardly ever home. … she stayed at this bar.” She also treated her sister like a queen and her brother like a king, so as the middle child, one of Destiny’ first transformations was becoming Cinderella - banished to the dungeon that was her bedroom. Because her mother struggled with mental issues and life situations, the kids bounced between different people’s houses. This disjointed housing situation created the circumstances for her suffering sexual abuse by multiple individuals. As if that wasn’t traumatizing enough, her mother invited various family members to whip her, and, she said “my mom tried to set me on fire.”

Destiny managed her childhood trauma at that time by putting her faith in God beginning at age 10. He came to me when I was young, like 10 years old. “That’s how I survive. That’s how I conquered,” she said.

Unsurprisingly, she ended up in abusive relationships. Because she “had low self-esteem, low self-worth, no identity, no direction, no purpose,” Destiny developed defensive mechanisms that translated to rage. Forced into constantly having her back against a wall, she leaned on drugs and alcohol to mask her pain, and transformed into an angry woman bent on hurting the people that hurt her. “If you push me then I’m going to push back. I’m gonna come on like a crawfish, right? I felt that I had to protect myself. And I had to feed myself.” Charges of aggravated battery and fighting landed her in jail multiple times. She also survived four attempts at suicide.

She bought a one way ticket to San Diego at the urging of her son who was in the U.S. Navy. She got sidetracked after striking up a conversation with a man on the Greyhound bus who convinced her to go to a rehab center in Baton Rouge. The routine was intense, restrictive and often punitive for the smallest of infractions. So after two years there, she rekindled her journey west.

She and her son have a beautiful relationship, Destiny said, but their personalities clash when living together, so she headed out on her own. First living in a motel, sometimes homeless and sometimes in a shelter, she eventually found home at a sober living facility. Eight years ago the was able to move into a large one-bedroom subsidized apartment in Hillcrest.

Since coming to San Diego Destiny has transformed her mind through years of reflection, sober living, counseling, and singing. “I knew that I was broken and torn on the inside. … I’m no longer broken and torn on the inside. I know that I am becoming whole, that the chains have came down, broken loose, that the walls have came down and no longer is the child that was hiding within afraid. The child is free to be and I’m so glad.”

Bringing down those walls required 22 years now of being clean and sober and maintaining weekly counseling sessions. She credits attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings with being able to face hard truths about alcohol. It was at an AA meeting that she heard others talking about blackouts. Suddenly she realized her own blackouts were not one-off events, they are a symptom of something greater. The only way for rehab or counseling to work, she said, is for that person’s mind to be ready for change. “We can go into different rehabs or halfway houses or mental institutions or whatever, but if we’re not willing to change, if we don’t change on the inside nothing else changes. It starts with the mind first. It starts with surrendering.” Surrender, she added, requires trust. And Destiny doesn’t trust anyone. “Because I’m a survivor and because I’ve had to fight all my life and I did everything on my own, I’m only confident in the Lord.”

Destiny scrolls through the musical selections on her tv until she lands on a gospel channel. When she starts to sing, she lets go of the walker she relies on to move around due to arthritis in her spine. “Music is magic,” she said. “Music is good for the soul and it’s healing. I’m so glad I’m a member of the Voices of Our City Choir. I’m smiling because I’m thinking about the magic of Voices. We know how to survive through the music.”

Singing and the being part of the community VOOCC has transformed Destiny into an agent of change for others. “They gave me hope so that you can come alive, so that your soul can be changed and transformed, so that you can be healed, delivered and set free and happy and be able to reach back and help somebody else,” she said. Lately Destiny has tried to counsel others who are suffering from the low self-esteem and low self-worth due to childhood sexual, physical, mental or emotional abuse she survived. She encourages others to speak up in group sessions. “I’m a positive person,” she said. I want to be a positive force in the Universe. Everything was broken and torn. I’m becoming whole, so that means that is so much more to come and I cannot wait to see the magic.”